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Place your phone on the bedside table, kiss your partner goodnight, turn the light off, and close your eyes. Sound familiar? If your nightly routine includes a bedtime kiss, you’re likely getting a better night’s sleep than those who don’t. But to what extent? And what do you do if you’re single?
MattressNextDay have discovered how a goodnight kiss can actually improve your sleep, including why children sleep better if they’re kissed good night. And you singletons out there needn’t worry - there are ways you can get the benefits of a bedtime kiss without actually having to smooch anyone…
7 in 10 people sleep better after a goodnight kiss
Studies have found that 70% of the UK give their partners a peck goodnight before falling asleep - but why?
A goodnight kiss is a symbol of our love and commitment to our partner, showing that no matter what kind of day we’ve had, whether we’ve bickered or argued or been in a strop, we’re putting the day to rest and symbolising our love for each other in the form of a kiss, ready to start afresh tomorrow. Even if you haven’t argued, a goodnight kiss is one last sign of affection for the day.
It can be essential for your brain’s nightly routine
In fact, some people say they can’t sleep well at all if they haven’t had a peck from their partner - putting them out of routine and throwing off their bedtime habits. If your partner kisses you every night, your brain will associate it with getting ready for sleep, and if you don’t get your smooch, your brain will be prevented from engaging in its daily winddown process.
If you do something every single night before bed, your brain will begin to associate it with the production of melatonin - the sleep hormone. For example, if you like to read before bed, picking up your book will trigger a response in your brain as it anticipates sleep. The same goes with a goodnight kiss - if your partner rolls over for a peck at around the same time every night, your brain will come to expect it. And if you don’t get one? Your brain has to figure out on its own when to start settling down for sleep, which might take longer.
It reassures our hunter-gatherer instincts that we are safe from danger
Other than keeping you in a routine and helping your brain get ready for sleep, one of the main benefits of a kiss goodnight is a sense of security. Not just security in your relationship but safety in your surroundings too, which in turn helps your mind and body relax.
Kissing releases - amongst others - the chemical oxytocin. This increases feelings of closeness, intimacy, and importantly, security. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel safe. Feeling safe and secure is essential for getting to sleep faster, and sleeping more deeply. When we feel insecure, our anxiety and adrenaline levels rise, which prevents the production of melatonin.
If you don’t feel 100% secure in your relationship, or even if you just bickered more than usual during the day, missing a goodnight kiss can mean it’s incredibly difficult to get to sleep. Your thoughts are racing, your adrenaline levels are high, and if you’re used to getting a peck before the lights go off, you’ll be wondering what on Earth is going through your partner’s mind.
A goodnight kiss will reassure you and help you feel safe and secure. By feeling secure in your relationship, you’ll trust your partner to protect you in the night, which actually goes back to our hunter-gatherer days. Our human instinct is to only sleep when there is zero potential danger, or we feel protected enough, so this validation of closeness will reassure your brain that you are safe no matter what.
Older couples sleep best after a nighttime peck
The same study found that 75% of people aged 55-60 sleep better after a goodnight kiss - 5% more than everyone else. The reason for this could be down to that same feeling of security. You might expect older couples to sleep better regardless of a goodnight kiss, as they’ve been together longer so will feel secure in their relationship regardless.
However, Martin Seeley, CEO and Sleep Expert of MattressNextDay, suggests that for couples in this age range, the likelihood is that they appreciate the small gesture of a goodnight kiss more than their younger counterparts.
“Older couples have seen the ups and downs of a relationship, have more experience in overcoming big problems, and have learned how to show love to one another better than any of us. They understand the importance of a goodnight kiss to make their partner feel safe and secure, so it’s understandable that they sleep better once they’ve got their peck.”
The goodnight kiss technique for getting your child to sleep
The reason children sleep better after a good night's sleep is - you guessed it - also down to that feeling of security. However, a popular technique for getting your child to sleep at night is the ‘kissing game’. This is where you give your little one a kiss goodnight, then tell them you’ll be back in five minutes to give them another one. The likelihood is that they’ll feel safe in the knowledge that 1. They’re safe, secure, and loved, and 2. You’ll be coming back to check on them, so won’t be left alone.
The kissing part of this technique is essential - it’s a symbol of safety and trust, which in turn will help your little one feel relaxed. You’ll likely find that by the time you come back to check on them, they’ll be fast asleep!
The science of smooching: the kissing cocktail
Kissing creates a chemical cocktail in our brain, featuring dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, which all make us feel amazing and crave more of whatever has given it to us. However, as we’re settling down for the night, these chemicals also help us to reduce the levels of cortisol - the stress hormone - in our body. By increasing dopamine and decreasing cortisol, a goodnight kiss changes the chemical balance in our brains and physically makes us less stressed.
Less stress = more sleep. And decreasing cortisol is one of the main processes our bodies go through to prepare for sleep. If your stress levels are too high or you’re full of adrenaline, you’ll find it hard to drift off, but luckily a bedtime kiss will boost you full of the good chemicals and reduce the bad ones.
How can single people get the benefits of a goodnight kiss?
Whether you’re taking a break from dating, don’t fancy the seriousness of kissing your Tinder date goodnight, or sleep alone for any other reason, you can still get the benefits of a bedtime smooch without actually having to kiss anyone.
Cuddle your furry friend
It’s possible to release that same ‘kissing cocktail’ of hormones - dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin - in many other ways. The best way is physical touch, but this doesn’t have to be a human. Cuddling and stroking your pet releases the same hormones and has been proven to relax your mind and body in preparation for sleep. That’s why you should definitely consider letting your dog sleep in your bed with you!
Try ten minutes of meditation
You can also trigger your brain to release serotonin and dopamine by spending ten to twenty minutes engaging in some meditation. As well as strengthening your memory and self-awareness, meditation calms your sympathetic nervous system; importantly, it releases the same feel-good hormones that kissing does! All of these factors make it the perfect thing to add to your bedtime routine to help you sleep better. Pair your meditation with our recommended breathing exercises and you’ll be drifting off in no time.
Don’t forget your sleep set-up
For couples, a goodnight kiss can signal to your brain that it’s time to sleep, help you feel more secure, and release sleep-enhancing chemicals. But you can actually enhance these effects even further by cuddling at night too. Read our guide to the benefits of cuddling for more advice!
Of course, even the most passionate goodnight kiss won’t help you sleep if your bed and mattress are old or uncomfortable, so consider upgrading to a memory foam mattress or treating yourself to some breathable bed linen. A comfortable bed that brings you joy will also increase your levels of serotonin, reducing cortisol and helping you get to sleep!
