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Do you and your partner sleep snuggled up all night? Or do you give each other a quick kiss goodnight before rolling over to your own side of the bed? Maybe you begin with limbs entangled, before ending up sprawled out separately. The couple's sleeping position you and your partner prefer can say a lot about your relationship, from your security within the relationship to how you feel about yourself.
Spooning
The most popular couple cuddling position is The Spoon. In heterosexual couples, the man is usually the big spoon and the woman the little spoon, but switching roles can be comforting for both - and we reckon that any guy who says he doesn’t enjoy being Little Spoon is lying! Spooning is popular, though a survey found only a fifth of couples actually sleep all night in this position.
In this couple's sleeping position, the Big Spoon acts as the protector, while the Little Spoon feels safe, and both partners feel relaxed and intimate. Being the big spoon often means you see yourself as dominant and protective, and feeling like this makes you feel secure and calm. As the little spoon, you enjoy feeling protected, but may also have a strong sense of independence if you initiate rolling away.
Switching roles in spooning is beneficial so both partners can experience feeling protected and being the protector. But, most couples don't stay in this position all night because it can become uncomfortable, with the Big Spoon's arm getting numb and both partners getting too warm and clammy…
Back-to-Back
Also known as ‘butt to butt’, sleeping facing away from each other but with your bums touching is a sign you’re super secure in your relationship. You’ve probably seen the TikToks - like this one from @honeyandbull - depicting the sleeping positions of couples in different stages of their relationship, and the ‘butt kissing’ position is always the last one, for couples who are super relaxed and comfortable with each other.
At the beginning of your relationship, you probably tried to sleep intertwined as much as you could, but once you’ve moved past the honeymoon phase, you realise you actually sleep better on your own side of the bed. Essentially, however, you do have one point of contact - your butts. As the fetal position is the most popular independent sleeping position, it makes sense that if you and your partner are on separate sides of the bed, you’ll end up with your bums touching.
This is not just a coincidence, as having at least one point of physical contact with your partner while you sleep shows you like to feel safe in the knowledge they’re there next to you. You’re not getting hot and clammy by cuddling, but you feel safe and secure with just a little bit of contact.
Face-to-Face Embrace
This is one of the rarer couple sleeping positions, as it is quite intense. You’re both lying on your side, face-to-face, with your arms in an embrace. It can feel a bit strange trying to get to sleep with your partner's face right in front of you, which is why it’s an excellent cuddling position, but not practical for sleeping.
You may find, especially if you’re different heights, that one partner faces the other’s chest instead, so it’s not quite as intense. Still, this position can make you feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable. If you do sleep in this position regularly, you may be a new couple, so wrapped up in your love you don’t mind being uncomfortable. Or, if you’ve been sleeping in this position for years, you may just be super in love and happy!
It could, however, be a sign that you’re not secure enough to feel independent in your relationship. Martin, our CEO and Sleep Expert, explains: “If you sleep face-to-face every night, it could signify that you’re trying too hard to be ‘close’. The most secure relationships are able to sleep freely and comfortably without the need to be all over each other, so attempting to sleep wrapped in each other's arms all night might mean you’re searching for both a sense of security and your partner’s validation.”
Sweetheart Cradle
Cradling with a leg hug, this position is the most comfortable couple’s position for sleeping all through the night. One partner (usually the male in heterosexual relationships) will sleep on their back, with the other partner slightly on their side, and their leg draped over their lover.
Whether you’re loosely in this position or quite close together, you’re likely touching in a lot of places. This helps you reap all the benefits of cuddling, and releases the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin, helping you feel incredibly intimate. So much so, you might be reading our article on the best mattresses for sex next…
Sleeping in this position helps you both feel protected and safe, which is essential for a good night’s sleep. It also increases your levels of intimacy, as we mentioned, which strengthens your relationship and shows you have a strong bond.
It’s not as intense as the Face-Face Embrace, and there’s no need to worry if you end up breaking away from this position throughout the night, as this just proves you’re secure enough in your relationship to sleep comfortably independently when needed.
Completely Separate
You might think that sleeping next to your partner without touching at all is a sign of an unhealthy relationship - but this isn’t the case. Sleeping separately on your own side of the bed can show that you’re incredibly secure in your relationship and that you both value each other's quality of sleep.
A sign of independence, sleeping away from your partner, even facing away from them, can show you aren’t over-dependent on each other. This makes it far easier to sleep when one of you is away, and you can both focus on getting a good night’s rest every night. It’s also a good idea to choose this couple's sleeping position as you won’t feel guilty for rolling away from an embrace when you get uncomfortable.
Martin explains: “Actually, the best sleeping position for couples is to always end up sleeping independently. This proves your independence and security within your relationship, and that you feel safe enough just having your partner in the bed with you - you don’t have to be all over them to get a good night’s sleep.
It’s also important to prioritise your own personal preferred sleeping position, and lots of couple cuddling positions aren’t suited to a comfortable night’s rest, even if you have a comfy sleep set-up and a mattress suited to couples.”
Once you’re over on your side of the bed, read about what your sleeping position means about you, and discover why having your own side of the bed is better for your sleep and your relationship. Before you roll over to your side, however, give your partner a goodnight kiss, as our research has shown that a bedtime kiss helps both of you get a better night’s rest!
